ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
