no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
