Don't you send me to vm
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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