I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
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