omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
