you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
