Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Randomize
