How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
