Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
My bed smells like the plague
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
