my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
