In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
