So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
