Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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