There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
