My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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