I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
