Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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