I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Sorry about my life...
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
