Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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