When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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