Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
