mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
