it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
