How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
