It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
