I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
