i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Randomize
