im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
