I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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