I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
