I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
