I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
