Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
