No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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