She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
