Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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