Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
