everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
