Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
