just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Randomize
