She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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