just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
