I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
