Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
