i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
