he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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