it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
