my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
