Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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