: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
