Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
