I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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