You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
