I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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