I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
