how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
