He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
